it's been four days.

it's more like four endless nights. the mornings are the hardest to bear. waking up in tears isn't the most comforting way to start a day. my dreams are always filled with happiness and yet at the most critical point, that's when reality shakes me from my slumber. that's when it just makes me realise, a dream is just a dream and reality is where you belong. but what good is reality when you know in your heart that your dreams isn't a part of it anymore? on the first day, i awoke from a kiss, but that kiss remained in my dream. i couldn't stand it. i only watched as my tears mixed with the soapwater. i never knew my heart would take it this bad. i never imagined i would feel this pain. yet again i woke up feeling that something that has been a familiar part of my life isn't there. i never asked for this. i don't know, everything around me isn't familiar anymore. i don't recognise the path i take to class everyday. i don't know why i felt like this. i don't even like social contacts with people that i meet everyday. it seems that everything that i do is a constant reminder of what was. so many times. every morning i hope my housemates are out so i can be alone and not have them see or hear me cry.

it's already four days and yet i'm still feeling the same. i really just hope it doesn't last forever. even if i'm given a wish, i wouldn't know whether to choose between having everything back as it once was or just to wish this pain away. i don't wanna be hung up like this. i wanna go on with my life. this useless life. i can't seem to get my priorities right anymore. i don't even know what my priorities are. what good is this life when you've already lost it's purpose? i don't wanna be like this. i really don't. Where's the good left for a captain whose ship has a broken rudder and without a navigator and a compass or a map in a sea that he's never been in before? He just might as well set sail and let the wind take him where it pleases.

i just really wish i could turn back time.